Writer's Block
by Aoi Shinobumi
Summary: Noel Moon is the latest member of the RFA. He is a renowned, self-loathing author, often mistaken for being a woman. Deciding to make the best of his time with the RFA, he decides to spend some time with each member seeking inspiration. This may contain pairings with all characters. Obviously there will be m/m pairings. I'm not sorry.
1. Chapter 1

Noel dropped his head to the counter in front of him. This whole situation was just too inconvenient and frustrating. He was incredibly busy lately, and now, because he thought to do a good deed, he was trapped in an isolated apartment, with even more work. Trying to find the positives in the situation, new scenery might be inspiring, and it wasn't like he had never attended high class gatherings, organizing a party didn't sound difficult. Thanks entirely to his tongue and his brain, he had more than a fair way with words. Of course, the main downside is that the people he was meant to work with were absolutely convinced he was a woman. A common mistake, naturally, everything about him fell just in between distinctly male or female, his features were often mistaken for those of a beautiful woman, and his voice was in a sweet spot that left people guessing as well. Even both his given name and his pen name were relatively unisex.

Of course, he _had_ told them right off that he wasn't a woman, but that never made a difference, everyone made snap decisions on who he was and stuck with it like this. Dividing his focus between the constant chatting, the influx of phone calls and the slow trickle of e-mails and the blank paper in front of him was enough to make him want to cry. No one was allowed to know where he was? How was he supposed to conduct his research this way? The internet only went so far with feeding his imagination, and it was more helpful to have a live visual, from all angles, and even then, his work was only subpar as it was. Forget the awards and the high sales, the people who read the trash he had written had no mind for these things. Probably all blind or, perhaps lacking in intelligence, it was awful drivel, and only he could see it.

It was then that it occurred to him. The people he was meant to work with now, they were from varied backgrounds too. The corporate heir and his assistant, a slacker student with a talent for video games, a musical actor, a hacker and the more mysterious photographer who was even more mysteriously absent, apparently. Surely there was inspiration to be found in them, except that also meant considering how best to study them. Zen was often busy with rehearsals, and just meeting someone out of the blue seemed like a poor idea, Seven didn't seem to want to be disturbed, and on top of that, had little time to do so. Yoosung would probably be more focused on the game he liked or rarely, on his studies rather than him. That left Jaehee or Jumin, and of the two, Jaehee was the most busy, not to say Jumin wasn't busy either, but the options were poor. That and that man might sue if he wrote something too poor with him in mind. Ugh. What he wouldn't give for just an ounce more skill.

A while into his day, he actually caught a bit of a break. Zen had brought up the issue of wanting to meet him, though he mentioned V would never let him come over. That wasn't a problem, he could just as easily go somewhere else. It took a little convincing, but he had agreed to meet him at a small park that seemed out of the way enough to afford them a little privacy. He hadn't brought much, save for a pack of cigarettes, a pen, his phone and a notepad. Noel draped one leg across his knee, waiting patiently, taking in the scenery around him. It had felt like forever since the last time he actually had a bit to take in the fresh, clean air and to enjoy a little nature. He laid his things out at his side, arranging them specifically before reaching for a cigarette, stretching back against the bench, elbows hung over the back side.

He held back a chuckle. From the selfies he had posted, of course it was obvious who he was. It was amusing to watch him look around, trying to find who he thought 'she' might be. Being the only one there, he finally approached, grinning happily.

"Honey, did you wait for me long?" he asked, no hint of embarrassment.

Wow. He had honestly been the one he thought would be the least relatable in the entire group, but to say such things so easily, maybe he was actually the perfect man after all. Someone like that would surely be popular with readers. Noel flicked the growing ash, exhaling slowly before holding out a hand to him.

"I just got here a bit ago, myself. It's nice to meet you, I'm Noel Moon." he introduced himself.

Not content to shake hands, he bent down, his lips grazing the back of his hand. Another person who couldn't see the truth for what it was, even after explicitly stating he wasn't a girl. Oh well. If it was more comfortable for him to think that way, he wouldn't complain. Zen took a seat next to him, observing in silence for a few moments. Long, pale blonde hair, straight except for a single thin braid down the front, clipped at the side with black 'x' shaped pins. His eyes were narrow, but large at the same time, an odd shade of pink, but the RFA was a haven for people with unusual features. Pale skin, a single mark on his face, at the corner of his mouth, itself a soft pink shade. He was dressed fairly simply too, a sleeveless button up in black, with red trim, and a pair of black slacks. His lips twisted in a slight grin, like he could read Zen's mind.

"My father was French. 'I take more after my mother than him, however." he stated factually.

"Was I staring? I was just thinking Seven was right. You really are cute. So eager too, my heart was beating when you asked to meet me here." he said quietly.

"Well, thank you for that. My reasoning is sadly more business than anything. I had hoped to be able to observe you for a little while naturally. Perhaps take a few pictures? I assure you my interest is strictly business related." he explained in a tone that left no hint of ulterior motives.

Zen poked his nose lightly, grinning. "I might be willing. Though I wonder, what's in it for me?"

Of course there was a cost. Even the people he had worked with who _weren't_ nearly famous were notorious for requesting something in exchange. Zen was different in that he didn't seem to be swayed by money, which meant he had to be smart about bargaining with him.

"What would be appropriate compensation, in your opinion?" he asked curiously.

"One date. If you really feel I'm worth it, maybe a kiss, hm?" he said playfully.

His eyes narrowed, looking for a hint of a joke in there somewhere. It wasn't like he had never been propositioned by men before, or even that he disliked it, he wasn't against it in the least, only that he was fairly certain he still believed he was a woman. Dropping his cigarette, he pressed it into the dust-covered ground under his boot, shrugging finally.

"So that's your taste. If that's all you want, and you're certain, I guess it's no trouble." he sighed coolly.

"You make it sound like you aren't even a little interested, that's so sad." he pouted quietly.

"I'm not, not yet anyway. I barely know you. My heart lies in the ink on my pages, I don't have one to give away." he stated matter-of-factly.

"Are you a reporter or something?" he wondered, realizing he didn't exactly know what he did.

Sweeping a delicate hand through his hair, his bangs springing back into place, he glanced to his notepad and pen, aware that it could seem like that. "I'm a writer. Not a very good one, I admit, sales are good, but only because people have no taste these days."

Zen tipped his head with interest, leaning a little closer, just enough to avoid infringing on his space. "Oh? What do you write?"

At the very least, he hoped he had never read his work. He was pleasant company and equally pleasing to the eye, seemed charming and smart, and he would hate for his opinion to change about him. Noel's head dropped to the back of the bench, staring up at the sky, debating how best to answer that question.

"Mmm….ahh...most recently, it was 'Atelier' and 'Song's Secret Love'. There are, of course, others. None very good, but I have deadlines to meet." he said with disgust.

"Is that the one about the butler who falls for his employer's girl?" he wondered. "I haven't read it, but I remember hearing about it." he questioned.

"That's the one. I hear those things are popular these days." he answered, pausing to examine his braid closer.

"So then, you're Florian Na? That's really cool. There are a lot of people who talk about adapting your work. I guess it's pretty steamy stuff." he said.

His eyes narrowed with disdain, barely registering the faint dark circles under his eyes, and the red rim along the bottom. Poor thing, sleep must be hard to get with such a busy schedule to stick to, and the RFA was only adding to it, but it really couldn't be helped now.

"It's drivel. Smutty drivel. There's no need to elevate it anymore than it already is." he said at the end of a long, heavy sigh.

Clearly, Noel didn't want to discuss that topic any further. Trying to put him back in a better mood, Zen snagged his shoulder, drawing him closer with a slight smile. "You said pictures, right? Why don't we take the first one together then?"

There was no end to his energy, and Noel actually envied him a little for it. How anyone could seem so sunny and cheerful all the time was beyond him. Sighing again, he forced a smile, trying not to ruin it for him. This was a lot of effort just for research. On the other hand, a lot of people could identify with the concept of fawning over and even fantasizing for people they viewed as out of their league, so it made sense to conceptualize a story about falling for a celebrity. He was a good model for that, he supposed, someone with high energy and such a nice smile, who could say embarrassing things with ease would be quite popular. His phone made a clicking sound to let them know the picture had been taken, and Noel wormed out of his loose hold, scrawling a few vague notes, not enough for most to understand, but he only needed keywords anyway.

"About this date. I'll need to know the when and where of it. You seem to have an erratic schedule, so I'll do my best to work around yours, I think." he said, switching the subject.

"I'll let you know when I have time for that." he said, putting a finger to his lips in thought. "Will you wear something cute?"

Fighting the urge to roll his eyes he gave a nod. Assuming he was hinting at wanting him to wear a dress, that too wasn't exactly a first for him. He was often encouraged to wear them from time to time during interviews, 'emphasizing the mystery of who he was' which he took to mean 'let's really confuse the world as to if you're a man or a woman'. It was a cheap tactic, one he didn't care for, but not enough to put up with an argument over. Seven seemed accustomed to it as well, though for entirely different reasons.

"For the sake of being upfront, I intend to keep these photos to myself, they won't be released, strictly for research as I mentioned. However, as such, it may be best to take some out of the public view. I don't particularly want people to get the wrong idea about it." he restated.

He seemed to have the wrong idea about it as well, except that the reaction was all wrong.

"Oh, you want something special, just for you? That's so cute. Alright, sometime, I'll invite you over, and you can take as many as you like. Hm... although that will be an extra date and...uhmm...two kisses. Fair?" he asked.

The idea of haggling with such a strange person felt strange. Whatever got the work done, but he wasn't going to be the one troubled when the realization that he really was a man struck him. Either way, the party date hadn't been set, which meant he had to really be on top of all his work if he intended to study every member carefully. He could probably comfortably devote two solid days to each person, plenty of time to decide if the ideas he gained from them would pan out well enough.

"If that's what you want, that's a small enough price to pay for this. It is, of course, appreciated, Mr. Ryu." he said formally.

Zen cringed a little at the name. He shook his head vehemently. "Whoa, that's so weird. If you don't want to call me Zen, then I guess Hyun is fine, but...Mr. Ryu…" he shivered again.

"Very well. In that case, please feel free to call me Noel." he decided.

"Mm. Nope. That's so cold and impersonal~" he refused.

Such a persistent man. Arguing always sapped his energy, already far too low as it was. He waved a hand half-heartedly, letting him do as he pleased. His phone rang, and he frowned, answering it, talking for a bit before hanging up with a dismayed sigh.

"I have to get going. I'll get ahold of you later to work out the details, alright? Bye, babe~" he said with a wink.

He sat in stunned silence, grabbing up his things once more, a small chiming bell signalling a message. Pocketing all but his phone, he opened the message curiously, raising his eyebrows at the picture. It was the same one he had just taken, apparently he wanted him to have it also. Considering it for a moment, he saved it before dropping it into his pocket, heading back to wait for a cab. Hopefully this was worthwhile, and not just going to be one big distraction...


	2. First Course

Noel raised the lace-lined sleeve up a little higher, looking at his watch. His face flushed with embarrassment, this was by far the worst choice he had ever made. Zen had texted him the next morning, far quicker than he expected to be summoned. All but the barest essentials were still at his own house, so he had to do a bit of shopping, and while no one looked at him as if he stood out at all in the store, it certainly bothered him. He preferred something more casual, easy to move in, it was easier to think when he was comfortable, and this dress did nothing to make him feel at ease. Not only that, but he had arrived far too early, it had the feeling of some eager fool, showing up early in the vain hope that their love interest would also have done the same. He glared accusingly at the purse looped around his shoulder, something he felt forced to wear simply because this dress had no pockets. Fumbling for his pack, he meant to have a quick cigarette, grimacing as he dropped it back into place. He had sat at a salon for far too long to damage his appearance, and while the color the woman had selected for his lips was pleasant, he didn't feel like looking too sloppy by smudging it.

Acting the part of a beautiful and elegant woman was one thing, he didn't mind doing it if it was for work, but this was different, and disheveled women were the subject of passionate tales of his works, not his life. At the very least, he now had a begrudging respect for the women who went out of their way to do this sort of thing regularly. Raising his hand, he examined it disdainfully, the colorful nails that covered his own were clearly not meant to accommodate functionality very well. None of it mattered as long as he kept his reasons firmly in his mind, remembering the reason he had chosen this profession was enough to give him the will to keep going, no matter what the challenge was. He hoped the party was soon, he wanted to return to his own house, and then there was that. Well, there was still time before he should be arriving, enough time to call and check in. The quiet ringing continued on for some time before a voice was heard on the other end.

"Hello?" a woman asked.

"Nari." he said by way of greeting.

"Ah, I was wondering when you were going to call. You haven't been home in some time. Is everything okay?" she pressed.

"Don't worry about it. I'm away on business, I'll return when I can, it might be awhile." he answered almost coldly. "How is Min?"

"He's sleeping right now. Should I wake him to speak with you?" she asked quietly.

"Don't. Let him sleep. I'll see him soon enough. Make sure he stays healthy and works hard. Goodbye." he said, not waiting for an answer to hang up on her.

Noel stared at his phone in silence before dropping it gracelessly into the purse. He had been so focused on what he was doing, he missed the approaching footsteps.

"Is it really okay to leave things like that?" someone asked.

Zen had arrived, and earlier than expected, if only just a little. "It's fine. It can't be helped right now, so just forget about it."

Clearly it was a sore subject, one best left alone. Instead, he smiled, taking a moment to appreciate the way he looked before depositing his hand on Noel's lower back, leading him into the small building he had been waiting at.

"You look very cute today. I didn't expect you to go that far! You must really be serious about this after all." he praised.

"You doubted that? I said this was strictly business, and I take that very seriously. Even if I don't enjoy the outfit, I will do my best to hold up my end." he said as politely as he could.

They found a quiet table by the back, somewhat dark and off from the others. A perfect place, with a low chance of being seen or bothered by anyone, save for the staff. It had nothing to do with a desire for privacy, but everything to do with wanting as few people as possible to see him like this. He let go of his back, reaching for his hand, keeping it until he was safely in his seat. Crossing to the other side, he took a seat, and conversation ceased for a time until they had ordered. Zen seemed surprised to find out Noel was ordering drinks, paying for it up front so it could be delivered immediately.

"You like to drink as well? I prefer beer, but this is fine too." he said with a smile.

Noel poured him a drink, sliding it across the table before serving himself, tapping the surface of the table quietly.

"If there's nothing else, beer is fine. This is my favorite, however. Much more potent, perfect for loosening the knots in my mind." he explained.

He stared at the glass in front of them, waiting to see how Noel took it first, watching him finish it in one drink, pressing a hand to his chest for a moment after. Feeling comforted by his reaction, he drank his, alarmed by the after burn, despite the misleading sweetness of it.

"You must be used to this. It's not...ugh… not bad." he groaned, allowing him to refill it before continuing. "You said knots in your mind, is that just stress, or is it something else?"

The food arrived, a perfect excuse to think about the best answer to it. It made sense to him, but he had never had to explain it before. All things considered, it was good, though it made him think too much that he hadn't eaten properly in some time.

"What I mean by that...I suppose it could be stress, but it's a little different. Half-formed ideas get jumbled up in my head, and then I get upset with myself, and I lose focus, and real life seeps into it. It gets messy and hard to smooth it all out again," he had no idea if it made sense to anyone but himself after all.

"That makes sense. Sometimes I have things like that too, some roles are hard to get into completely, and then...it's a lot of really negative and sad feelings, isn't it? That's not just me, right?" he asked, suddenly unsure of himself.

"Yeah, exactly. It's hard to ignore." Noel agreed, topping off their glasses once more. "Enough about that though. I'll grab my notes here. We can begin this whenever you like."

Zen reached across the table, putting his hand on his to stop him. "None of that now, babe. This is supposed to be a date, if you want to work so much, come back to my house with me after, you can talk to me all you like, and get those pictures at the same time. Two birds, yeah?"

Noel slumped his shoulders in defeat. Clearly he was more of a challenge than he had prepared for. Either way, this was his payment, it wasn't appropriate to rush it after all.

"As you say, we'll work later then. You'll have to forgive me, I'm not quite used to these things." he mumbled.

"Wait, seriously? I kind of figured you'd be the type who went on a lot of dates. I'm shocked." he admitted.

Noel drained another glass, glancing to his. Almost empty, he topped it off, glad for the distraction. Setting the now empty bottle to the side, he rearranged his dishes in order of which he preferred them. He felt the warmth in his face, probably a combination of such a personal question embarrassing him and the high alcohol content. What a foolish thing, blushing like a child, it was disgraceful.

"No. I don't have much time for dates normally. That and the ones I had been made to go on before weren't enjoyable, nothing to look forward to. That's not to say I've never been in relationships before, however boring and short lived they were." he sighed.

"Is that why you say you're not interested in me?" he wondered.

"Do you really want me to be?" Noel questioned, raising a suspicious eyebrow. "No, like I said, I have no heart to give. Besides, someone like me, you'd never be happy with. I'm very difficult, I can be cold and...well, I suppose I don't have very good control over myself."

"I wouldn't mind if you were. I don't believe that, it sounds like excuses." he said, denying it.

"I'm not just saying it. I've never actually loved anyone romantically. In the past, I acted on impulse, and what I thought was love faded too quickly and I moved on easily. I mean it though, I really can't control myself, though it takes a lot to provoke me to action." he admitted. "Your turn. Why exactly do you want me to like you?"

"I can just tell you're different. You're really cute, but you don't seem to like me for any of the reasons anyone else does. It's like you don't care at all about my looks or what I do, none of that makes a difference with you. You just have a way of putting me at ease. I'm being honest, there's a lot of reasons, although I wonder why you need reasons. I just feel what I feel." he said, trailing off quietly at the end.

Noel sighed, a bit troubled by the look on his face. Vulnerability and sadness were awkward things for him, and it was uncomfortable. Ideally, he could change that, but there really was no way.

"I won't ask you to change your feelings then. I don't expect that anything could happen, so I'll wait patiently until those feelings fade." he said.

He was well-known, famous, some might suggest, but that was only because people had no taste in good reading. As a result, he was used to hearing these things, and after so long, surely the people who said those words had moved on peacefully. It was possible that he had become somewhat cynical, after spitting out so much crap about love and passion, that he no longer believed those things existed, at least in a romantic capacity.

"They won't. You'll be waiting a long time." he said with a laugh, watching for a moment. "You have the longest eyelashes I've ever seen. A shame they're most noticeable when you're brooding. You're too pretty to look so down."

Noel took a slow breath, giving up at that exact instant. He wasn't going to understand that he wasn't a girl, and if by some miracle he actually did realize that, 'cute' was one thing, even he occasionally thought that about himself, but 'pretty'? That was so girly, and it felt weird to hear such a thing. Being fair, he wasn't exactly terribly tall, and he had inherited his mother's smaller build, as opposed to his father's broader one.

"Well, if you say so then it must be true." he sighed, deciding not to fight it. "Though even if you say I shouldn't look down, I still have plenty of reasons to."

Zen raised an eyebrow at that, curiosity in his eyes, though he looked like he was debating whether or not it was fine to ask. "Like what?"

Oh. He really did ask. To someone like him, it probably would only sound like entitled whining, but it was valid to him. "I was thinking of my family." he admitted. Not in the least romantic, and it might even kill the date atmosphere. "Let's leave it at that. I don't want to talk about it."

"Oh, I get it. Family is a difficult subject for me as well." he mumbled. Staring down at the table, he gave a small, forced smile. "I'll just go take care of the bill and get a cab. It's a good thing we didn't drive here, isn't it? I didn't expect such strong drinks."

It was his turn to change the subject, and for a moment, Noel wondered if his family life was even more stressful than his own. Either way, it wasn't like he intended to get close enough to know that story, just as he didn't plan to share his own. "Are you really feeling it? I must be used to it by now. I wonder if my liver is swimming?"

He meant it entirely as a joke, he hadn't been of age to drink for that long, and in truth, it hindered his work more than helped most of the time, so he tried to confine it to times when he was in between works as much as possible. Zen disappeared for a time before returning to him to walk him to the cab, offering an address for the driver to go. He said to come back to his place, so it made sense that it was likely his. For the briefest moment, he found himself actually curious about what his house was going to be like. He held back a small laugh, grinning at the thought that entered his mind. Jaehee had been the one most insistent about him getting involved in something like having a girlfriend for the sake of his fans, and trying to dissuade him from thinking about dating. How would she feel about hearing that he had not only went on a date with someone, but invited said person back to his house, and that it wasn't a girl. Would that make it better, or worse? Either way, in a story based on Zen, she had a place too, instinct told him as much. A die hard fan who didn't want her perfect celebrity dating to maintain the fantasy that he was staying single for a reason. That wasn't a good enough romance, there had to be a fitting lover for such a character, though he hadn't learned enough to decide what type of person suited the best...


	3. Seconds

Noel shifted in his seat, rummaging for his phone and his notepad, hooking his pinky around his pen, setting it on the floor and leaning back. Zen stretched out on the couch, a short distance away, his head resting on his hand. All things considered, he wondered if it really was the best time to be asking questions at all, he appeared to be off in his own little world. Still, though, he had to at least give it a chance before he gave up on it for another time.

"Do you have time for this now?" he asked, making sure first.

As if snapping out of a trance, he sat up slowly, nodding once. "Sure. What did you need to ask, you had questions, right?"

Noel cleared his throat, suddenly aware that this might be a challenge to bring up. He was never the type to get flustered about these matters in the past, but considering the conversation at the restaurant, he had to admit it concerned him now for some reason. Trying to focus, he held the pen to the paper, not daring to look away from the crisp, lined white paper.

"Ahem. First question, how would you consider yourself in the sense of…" he hesitated, glaring at the sheet of paper like it had personally offended him, mentally berating himself for his weakness. "In the bedroom."

Zen didn't seem at all troubled by the question, and that pissed him off a little bit. He wasn't struggling even a tiny bit, it was only him making a big deal out of it.

"In the bedroom? I'm not really sure. I haven't -... I mean… I'm considerate, but aggressive." he answered, faltering only for a moment.

Exhaling slowly, he wrote a few sparse notes, enough to be useful only to him, pretty much.

"I see. What kind of person appeals to you most in a romance?" he asked next.

He smirked, and it was the kind of look that told him he had made a big mistake. He cringed in preparation for the answer, having a sneaking suspicion he might say something like 'you'.

"I like someone sensible, and cute. Looks aren't as important as personality though. Someone who makes me feel good about myself and...well, everything, I guess." he said with a shrug.

Thank goodness. A good answer, he had braced for nothing after all.

"Someone like you." he said.

Noel resisted the urge to drive his palm into his face hard enough to blast it out the back of his head. His left hand rose, sweeping through his hair before curling in it and tugging gently as if to bring himself back to focus. Work was rarely this hard, there was the occasional girl who squealed a bit too much, and had trouble answering, and that was annoying, but luckily, that was rare, and it made him glad he focused more on the male ended aspect of his stories. Mostly, his feminine looks paid off there, too. Men were quick to open up to someone they mistakenly thought was a pretty girl.

"I'm not adding that into my notes. Proper authors never insert themselves at will." he said, more as a quick excuse. "A-anyway...Is there some scenario you find yourself drawn to? Since I have the chance to get into detail, it's helpful for getting a good picture of how things should go."

He grinned wider then. "Are you really sure this is just for work? You're really not just curious for other reasons?"

"As if. My feelings haven't changed in such a short trip." he huffed.

"I would have been willing to show you if you said anything else." he teased. "Hmm… I suppose it could be fun to do something like that in a lake, maybe?"

Noel stared at him for a moment, unsure if he should take him seriously or not. It occurred to him that he had never actually written anything like that. No, that could really work, if nothing else, it was worth noting, even if he didn't use it, the idea alone was good enough to put away for later.

"Last question I have for now. Do you do anything interesting besides musical acting?" he asked.

His eyes slowly rolled in a full circle, like the answer was in the air in front of him and he just barely kept missing it. "Piano? I used to be kind of bad though, motorcycle and everything, a real troubled guy. I don't know if that helps."

After scrawling the last of his notes, he put it away, turning on his camera, rising to stand in front of him thoughtfully. He had plenty of selfies that focused on his face, he could probably just ask for those. This, he needed to see for himself, to capture the best angle.

"Now, for this one, just lean back and relax. Try to make it natural." he instructed.

Zen stretched out once more, his eyes focused on him, though he didn't alter his expression much, doing his best to look as relaxed as he could. Once he had taken the picture, he stopped to look at it, scrutinizing every detail before he was satisfied with the results. He closed the gap between them, tilting his head in thought, bending down then.

"Forgive my reach. I'd like to try something a little different for this one." he explained.

Zen stayed quiet, watching with interest. His hands went to his waist, gently prying his shirt from his waistband, letting it fall loose. Tapping his chin in thought, his fingers clasped the fabric, shifting it around a few times before it looked just right. As an afterthought, he disappeared behind him, untying his hair, ruffling it up a bit, draping it over his shoulders. He tilted his phone, taking a step back. Everything looked spot on, and yet it was a shame he still had to imagine the rest of the image himself. Taking the picture anyway, he stared at the result in judgment. There didn't seem to be a problem with it, even as something still had him trying to piece it together.

"Hey." he called to him.

"Hm?" he answered distractedly.

"Set it down for a bit and come over here." he told him.

They really couldn't get much closer, it should have been fine, and yet, he moved to sit at the opposite end of the couch at his word.

"I'm here, now what?" he muttered suspiciously.

"You owe me two kisses still. I think I want to use one." he sighed.

Oh...yeah, that was part of the agreement too, and it was fine still, but why now? More importantly, why was it bothering him this much? Just a quick peck on the lips meant nothing at all, it wasn't like him to be this concerned about anything. He waved a hand, closing his eyes in preparation. At the very least, he could avoid feeling so strangely if he didn't see it coming. Zen reached for his waist, drawing him closer, and even without seeing it, he could tell what was happening. The warmth rising by the second meant he was approaching, and the faintly lingering scent of rare, 120 proof wine, not entirely unpleasant. His lips were surprisingly soft, and he expected it to end just after it started, completely caught off guard when he gently pushed him back, his tongue wedging between Noel's lips, pressed to his.

He might have tried to protest if he wasn't so damned caught up in it. It was troubling how easily it had wiped his mind free of any meaningful thoughts. His breath vanished, stolen away from the depth of the kiss, finally feeling him pull away so they could breath. Zen's fingers danced a slow, swirling pattern from his shoulder to his chest, his eyes coming into view, intently fixated on him. Able to think a bit clearer now, Noel gently pushed his hand away, shaking his head vigorously.

"We can't. You're drunk and I'm…" he cut himself off, unsure where he was trying to go with it.

Did that sound too much like he would have been alright with it if he wasn't? Hell, the idea of being with another man didn't bother him in the least, and it wasn't like he didn't understand casual sex, it had played an occasional role in some of his own works, so he wasn't quite aware of what the hangup was.

"I'm not going to change my mind. Drunk or not, I want this. Will you let me?" he asked.

"Absolutely not. No way in hell. A thousand times no." he quickly denied.

Noel felt the zipper at the back of the dress drawing down, slipping down his shoulders, his mouth falling on his neck.

"That was quite a dismissal." he murmured between kisses. "I wonder if you really don't want to, or if you're only saying that because you're concerned about something…"

Noel's eyes fluttered shut once more, barely able to avoid huffing out a swallowed breath. He clearly wasn't able to understand his complaints still, his only chance was to say it once more.

"Zen, don't...I'm a guy, I've said it before, a few times." he sighed.

He gasped involuntarily, his teeth scraping the side of his neck. He didn't slow or stop, and he wondered if it was because he didn't hear him properly, or didn't believe him still. Fine. If that was how it had to go, he'd learn the truth the hard way. So long as he told him, his conscience was clean enough. He delved lower, nipping at his collarbone, his head tipping back, suddenly too heavy to hold up. Zen's hand disappeared under the far too fluffy skirt, tickling along his thighs. Any moment now, he'd figure it out, and recoil, which was as it should be.

"You're not going to resist?" he asked curiously, as if wondering why he wasn't trying to push him away anymore.

"Do what you like. Just don't say I didn't warn you well enough." he mumbled.

His hand stopped, pulling him to sit up, raising the dress off him, moving to cover up when he draped it over the couch. He had no shame for his body, no matter how it looked, but that never changed the brief instant of shyness that sprang up at being seen like this. Zen tipped his head in thought, reaching to pull his arms away, examining him for a time. Noel cringed again, feeling his eyes burning through him, down the center, stopping between his thighs. He said nothing at first, hooking a finger in his underwear, drawing them away, peeking in. He peeled them off, dropped to the floor. This was his most disgraceful moment, and he wasn't sure how to react, this was something he had never had to deal with before, and the silence was unnerving.

"I see what you mean." he said.

He leaned back in, leaving a trail of red marks down his neck, across his shoulder.

"Wait, did you still think I was really…?" he wondered.

"I'm a little surprised, but I don't think you'd lie." he answered, drawing him to lie down comfortably.

"And...you're still going to do this?" he asked skeptically.

"I've never tried. I guess I never thought a man would be my first, but this could still work. If you're not so nervous about it anymore." he told him.

Zen nipped at his ear, his breath warm against it, realizing he was reacting to it without meaning to. The responsible thing would have been to insist he wait if he was serious, and yet, he was past the point of resisting, and honestly, it was only out of moral obligation to make sure he would have no regrets about it. Pulling back, his arms crossed his sides, raising his shirt up and off, tossing it to the floor. His pants followed, and Zen returned, slipping an arm around his waist, his other hand coming up, drawing the shape of his lips with his finger, pressing it into his mouth. Even now he had a kind expression on his face, sighing quietly at the gentle pull of his lips and tongue over it, bringing it out after a bit.

"Do you...uh...you know what you're doing, right?" Noel asked quietly.

Breathing out slowly, he hesitated, spreading his legs just a bit, wordlessly hinting to him. His hand stopped, close enough to brush against him, his face flushed.

"I've never done this, that doesn't mean I don't at least know what to do, leave it all to me." he sighed.

Without warning, his saliva-coated finger pressed in, and Noel bit his lip, trying not to make graceless sounds so easily. A second digit followed not long after, shivering visibly though he was still trying to be quiet about it, his hips rocking unconsciously. An almost proud grin spread across his face, watching his reactions with interest.

"It is okay to like this, you know…" he chuckled.

Sure it was fine, but it was habit to try and be as quiet as possible, though it was impossible to think about the reasons why, not like this. In his mind, he was able to whimper and pant as much as he needed, at least. Swallowing hard, he reached to stop him, his face bright red, staring up at him.

"I...don't want to wait anymore." he muttered, an edge of irritation, directed inwardly.

"Then you don't have to…" Zen told him.

He pulled his hand away, Noel's legs drawing apart when he moved closer, stopping long enough to take off his last garment, unsure what to expect. Struggling against him, he groaned, planting a firm kiss on his lips, his tongue sweeping over his, swallowing away his shuddering cry. If he had known they'd be going this far, he might have been better prepared, but it couldn't be helped. God it was a bit harder than he thought, warm and very nearly too tight, but not quite. Was this the kind of thing Noel wrote about? As much as he claimed it was garbage, and that those who bothered to read it were fools, he had to admit to a degree of curiosity. Noel seemed far more shy than he let on, his prickly attitude couldn't have been all there was to him. It was good, every time he moved, or tried to breath in, he could feel it, pulling back slowly, trying not to hurt him with his eagerness.

Zen leaned against him, rocking slowly back and forth, his legs slowly wrapping his waist, hands clutching his arms. Funny, in his mind the stubborn author definitely wasn't this way, face red, squirming under him, whimpering into his kisses. He had to wonder if this was, in at least that way, a first for him too. It was getting easier to move inside him now, picking up the pace, breaking away from his mouth finally, catching his breath before moving to the markless side of his neck, nibbling lightly. His touch wandered from his chest, down between them, barely brushing against his length.

"Ah, no...you don't h...have to…" he panted out softly.

Biting his earlobe, he exhaled slowly, the tip of his tongue dipping in slightly. "Maybe I want to. What then?"

This had never really crossed his mind, but now that it was already happening, he wanted to make sure he enjoyed it as much as possible. Trying again, his hand curled loosely around him, gentle at first. Zen knew how he liked it, but that didn't mean Noel liked it the same way. Trying to match his pace, Noel swayed under him, his hips rolling, a moan escaping, his hand clasping over his mouth in surprise. His thighs shivered, goosebumps raising along his whole body, unwilling to admit how much he was enjoying it, even as his body betrayed him so mercilessly. There was a feathery, yet hot trail of kisses back along his neck, pausing at his throat, nipping and sucking at the hollow. His brain felt like it was going numb, tingling, his entire body tingling, his stomach tensing, all thrusting against him harder now, unable to hold back. His hand slid against him faster, twitching and pulsing in a way that served to warn him that he was almost there. That was something he could understand, he knew the signs well enough, and at least in that way, Noel was an open book, he didn't need to say a word for him to know these things. His body swayed faster, writhing under him, his head tipped back, his throat vibrating with louder, eager moans. He bucked up, his thighs trembling, thick spurts rushing over his hand, rolling beads slowly trickling down.

A spark shot through his stomach, his muscles fluttering, speeding up, shallow but quick jabs slowing shortly after, a relieved, growling groan warming his throat when he came, his chest heaving. It occurred to him only after it was too late that he hadn't considered if he might prefer him to pull out. He winced, pulling free, huffing out a sigh, resting against him for a bit, until he regained enough energy to sit up. Thankfully, Noel broke the silence first, sparing him the trouble of trying to decide what to say.

"I'm pretty sure I don't owe you any more kisses." he joked, laughing quietly.

Zen frowned, his shoulders slumping in defeat. "Those didn't count, that's hardly fair."

"Isn't it?" he wondered.

Changing the subject, he pointed to the window, the bright light from earlier gone. It was dark out, probably not very late, but dark.

"It's getting late. Why don't you stay over. My bed is big enough for both of us." he offered.

Noel lofted a brow, exhaling slowly. "I should get back, probably."

Zen planted a light kiss by his ear, poking his cheek. "I've already made love to you, what else can I do that could possibly compare to that?"

Noel looked away, twisting a lock of hair between his fingers in thought. He disliked that term, it never seemed like more than fantasy, and even for him there was a distinct difference between 'having sex' and 'making love', and one felt like it required a bit more commitment, in itself something that seemed designed to wordlessly say 'my body is only yours'. At the same time, the point he made was a good one, he had already had him, there wasn't much else he could do. It was probably a better idea to stay over and leave in the morning, besides, the taxis had likely already stopped for the night.

"I guess that's true. Well then, thank you for your hospitality." he murmured politely.

He had already tried to explain that he wasn't capable of settling down in any meaningful way, and there was a small bit of suspicion that he hadn't really accepted that. Hopefully, he wouldn't say anything strange about it now. Noel couldn't afford to fall in love, not yet, maybe not ever.


End file.
